As you begin to deconstruct patriarchal and/or fundamental christian beliefs, leaving behind the foundational doctrine that you may have built your life on can feel jarring and disorienting. When you have spent years in systems and spaces that not only tell you what to believe but also tell you that you cannot trust your own thoughts, leadings and feelings, then you often feel like you are wandering in a vast, open space with no direction and nothing solid underneath you.
The way to deal with this is to sit with the discomfort of uncertainty and embrace what is unclear and unknown. The more you can sit and embrace that not everything is linear or binary, the easier it will be to explore your own beliefs and come to your own conclusions. But that can feel like torture when you are used to aligning with specific doctrines and living by them like they are the only way to be ok.
During our deconstruction/wandering we can find ourselves in a state of "doctrine dependence" where we reach for and seek other types of beliefs to cling to in order to have something solid underneath us, telling us what to do.
For myself, this played out as a constant search for the perfect parenting method/philosophy, the perfect diet and list of foods to keep my body "clean"(see the similarity there???), the perfect way to approach health and wellness (western, eastern, alternative, conventional), the perfect way to function in relationships, etc. It also looked like buying 73948723948 books and following 5387593475 gurus to find out the perfect new set of spiritual beliefs. I amassed a collection of incense, crystals, yoga philosophies, candles, oracle decks, statues and a million other things to find my new way of believing. During that time it never occurred to me that I could just relax and go with my own intuition...my own flow.
That's what is amazing about just following the energy of the moon. It's simple and has not doctrine associated with it. The moon already exists and has existed for who knows how long(spoiler alert: no one knows for sure). By just following it's progression through the cycles, I found a rhythm that helped me understanding that I am my own firm foundation. My grounding did not depend as much on WHAT I believed as it did on me believing in and radically trusting myself to call in whatever I needed in the moment. Some days that's a crystal grid. Some days it's a candle and a prayer. Some day's it's a moon ritual where I write my cares and anxieties on bay leaves and burn them and release them to the universe. Some days it's a long bath with oils and fairy lights. And some days it's a true crime documentary that allows me to critically think about something besides my own life. Yes, true crime documentaries can be a spiritual ritual.
As you deconstruct from old belief patterns that did harm, be careful not to go straight to another. Make it a practice to sit with the discomfort that very few things in life are right vs wrong or absolute vs conditional. Try new things. Seek new experiences. Learning to trust yourself to find your own spiritual and life practices apart from prescribed doctrine will be a journey that will at times feel unsettling but will also bring a new sense of freedom and authenticity. You will start to get used to the feeling that you don't have to be perfect or right about everything all the time and that no one else is perfect or right all the time either. THAT is liberation. THAT is spiritual security.
I invite you to experiment with the lunar cycle as a way to re-connect to yourself and to your inner knowing. For the April lunar cycle, anyone who has purchase my course will have the opportunity to experience my lunar phase teachings LIVE via Zoom. I will be re-recording and updating my course and will be adding some amazing new wisdom treasures that you don't want to miss! Purchase my course today and have a chance to not only learn live, but ask questions and work directly with me throughout an entire lunar cycle. You have lifetime access to all the modules and bonuses as well as any updates and extras. Click HERE to learn more and purchase the course! I hope to see you there!
Have you experienced "doctrine dependence" in your life? How will you intuitively and intentionally move into radical self trust and make your own path? Dive into your journaling and find the answers for YOURSELF!