I don't feel like I ever really asked for an awakening - and especially not one that came in the form of a near fatal car accident. However, I was daily begging the god of my religion for happiness, fulfillment, validation, peace and love and all the things. I was also asking him(because that god was unmistakably male according to that belief system) to take away my true sexuality, save my failing marriage, give me financial security and any number of other things that I thought would make my life more meaningful if they would just align and work out. And as I prayed for those things, in the spirit of being a good follower, I also took actions to try to force them to happen and believed that those actions were a statement and show of my faith. I look back now and realize it all felt so confusing because it really was. Religion and rules are often contradictory whether it's christianity or any other belief system that takes you outside of your own heart and soul experience.
I will never forget the first day I stood in a church after my accident and had the heavy and shocking realization that this wasn't right at all...and wondering what in the world that meant for the previous years of my life when I had stood in those sanctuaries and raised my hands high with tears running down my face. Was all of it fake? Or was I the fake?
My experiences were real. It was the outside forces that I was giving the credit for my spiritual experiences that were not real. So when I left those outside forces, I felt alone and laid bare. The nothingness was terrifying. Was anything out there at all? What was the energy that produced my passion, my desires, my empathy and my love. That energy had always had a name and a deity attached to it - a NOUN and I felt like the inability to define and name a "being" was disorienting.
And that's when I learned about energy - just plain energy. I learned about the existence of energy everywhere as well as connectedness and entanglement. Suddenly, things begin to make a little more sense and I realized that "god" was an even bigger force than I had been taught. This opened up a flood of wonder and peace but also a complete dismantling of the beliefs and structures that I had built my life around.
This is when nature - particularly the moon- became my anchor. I realized that this benevolent energy had given me signs and cycles that existed all around me to show me how to work with my thoughts, my feelings and my dreams/wishes/desires. This beautiful, consistent as fuck body in space called the moon was there for more than just staring at and taking pictures of with my phone. I realized that she(the moon)embodied the energy of listening and doing, of seeking and receiving, of taking action and of being still...that she had a blueprint for living that could guide me through everything from spiritual peace to business decisions. I learned the energy of each phase and how to align with it...when to plant and when to harvest, when to be still and when to leap forward, when to expand and when to contract. And as I began to live in a cycle rather than a linear dynamic, I realized why I was so exhausted and discouraged all the time. I was living in FORCE rather than FLOW and that had my adrenals, my female cycle and my emotions in what felt like chaos. When I learned to align, I learned how to connect with the current rather than swim against it. I learned to allow my darkness as well as own my light. I learned that justice is love in action and love took on a different meaning for me. I learned that no one can MAKE me feel - that I am responsible for my emotions as well as my boundaries.
I also learned to tap into that inner wild women that SEES the magic of nature and trusts the instincts and intuition in her body and mind. I found myself and learned to trust her again. And I felt connected to others knowing that no matter where in the world we are, we all share this same moon - we all look at this same beautiful body in the sky even when we are thousands upon thousands of miles apart.
Working with the moon may seem woo, but it's actually a very practical practice. I put my own practice with it into a framework that I'm now sharing with those who are looking to work WITH their energy rather than REACT to it. This week, on November 12, I will begin a free LIVE series of teaching about how to flow with your emotions and your body through the lunar phases. But this isn't a religion or a set of rules. This is reconnection and embodiment. This isn't me preaching a path - this is my sharing an experience for others to explore. I would love for you to join me and you can do that by clicking HERE.
I left religion and looked for another set of absolutes and beliefs. But, what I found was the sacred rhythm of the moon and a life of freedom from rules and the permission to love and be fully ME. I found LOVE more deeply for myself and for others. Living LUNAR ALIGNED brought me back to my creation - my origins - my intuition and light. If you are wandering around looking for something to align with after leaving religion - or if you are just looking for an emotional anchor in general - the moon is here for you and for all of us.